MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

Thanks to: embarassing moments


1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change sheets.
5. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will ... it
is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of money.
3. Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall 2 years ago.
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby & picked up as soon as the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they cannot hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund & a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is not polite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Something Else I Want to Add to My Play Room

This would be so great to have! Check it out here!

My Blog is Worth....

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Jake's blog is worth more than $70,000 now. Pretty cool since he has somewhere around a million readers. I don't think my measly $564.54 it too bad considering I only have one or two!

Just Waiting

Shit happened at the hospital, once again, and here I am just sitting here waiting for a phone call from one our vendors. I have been waiting since Midnight, but O-well. The "O-well" that keeps me going is because I got a new job today! I will be leaveing the hospital on April 3rd, (after I give my boss notice on Monday of course. ) I will be part of the communication team; installing radios and cell phones in trucks and rigs for Riata Energy, a local drilling company.

Enough of the waiting. It is not that crutial so I going to lay down since I have to be up in a few hours.

Patches, The Unusual House Pet

Patches is a just like your everyday pet, except for the fact that he is a horse!

I got a kick out of this video! The site is NOT for immature Eyes and is NOT SAFE For Work!

I Want One Of These To Put In My Game Room!

If I could only have one of these, my 8 year old would be in heaven. Check it out: here and here, and thanks Jake for the links